


DARK AXE: A Hector x Tharja Romance

by robotortoise



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:10:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9670196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotortoise/pseuds/robotortoise
Summary: Romance, comedy, and weaponized darkness all clash in this TOTALLY romantic Fire Emblem Heroes story. You'll leave with your heart aflutter, and your wallet empty!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [I drew Dark Axe: AKA Hector/Tharja. Enjoy best FE ship!](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/264029) by LadyKuki. 



 

"What in the world is this place?" Hector asked. He was in a castle of sorts, various men, women, and flying mounts whizzing past. "I was on the field one moment, and the next, I-"

"-was tumbling out of a portal?"

A dark mage wearing a rather revealing ensemble walked towards him, her glare like daggers. "Yes, as was I. I'm going to find the man responsible; I'll hex him until he can no longer breathe."

Hector frowned.

"Why would you assume it's a man?" a new voice asked. A young woman with red hair and a gruff voice sat atop her mount – a horse, strong and tall, not unlike her. "A woman can do anything a man can. Want me to prove it?"

"Ugh," the mage spat. "You're here?"

"Nice to see you too, Tharja."

"Hmph."

"Aw, come off it. There's no need to be so dour. What'd I ever do to you to twist your loincloth?"

"Tch. Don't mistake my contempt for loathing; I simply don't care enough about you to hate you, Sarah."

"Ain't those the same thing? And it's Sully."

"Whatever."

"Excuse me?" a young woman in metallic, form-fitting armor asked. Long white hair rode down her back, making her red eyes pop out. Despite the situation, she seemed rather chipper – even if she had appeared to have lost her shoes. "Did someone call for me? I thought I heard my name."

The mage – _Tharja_ , Hector noted – almost seemed to perk up for a brief moment. Almost.

"You're not Robin," Tharja jeered. "You may look like her, but you aren't. Get out of my sight."

"I'm Corrin!" the young woman said. "Princess of Nohr!"

"You're still not Robin."

"Who's Robin?" She quirked her head.

"Ah, did someone call for me?" A man with snow white hair walked forth. He was wearing a long black cape with strange, purple patterns on it. He brightened up upon seeing Tharja and the redhead. "Tharja! Sully!"

"Robin? That you?" the redhead – _Sully_ – asked. She swung a leg off of her horse, grinning and dropping to ground-level. "I can't believe you're here, too! Do you know where the hell we are?"

"The kingdom of Askr, apparently. They're involved in a war with this opposing kingdom, called Embla, that wants to enslave us heroes and use us to conquer Askr. To counter this, a group of elite warriors from Askr have come forward to fight Embla…by summoning and enslaving us heroes to fight Embla. Believe me, it makes as little sense as it sounds, but that's what I've surmised."

Sully stared, dumbfounded.

Robin sighed. "We have to fight an enemy kingdom. Just…do what the summoner says, alright? His name is Kiran, and he's lead tactician."

"Wow." Sully whistled. "You really ARE a genius; you know that? I can't believe you managed to figure all that out already!"

"What? Oh, no. I wasn't summoned with you. I've been here for a week now."

"Oh."

"Is he any good?" Hector asked. "My tactician, Mark, is quite impressive. Lyn and I are alive thanks to him."

"He's…not terrible. Quite honestly, I would normally say he was worse, but lately my mind has been occupied with...other things."

"Why do you look so much like Robin?" Tharja asked.

Robin frowned. "Because I am."

"No," Tharja said, "you aren't. Not even remotely."

"I _am_ Robin!" Robin exclaimed, exasperated.

"Shut up."

"But-"

"You are NOT Robin. You look nothing like her."

"Oh," Robin said. "Well, that explains that. Anyway, since you lot are new, I should probably leave before-"

"NEW HEROES!"

He drooped. "…before Sharena arrives."

"Oh my gosh!" a girl with a blonde ponytail squealed. A man in a hooded robe stood at her side, walking leisurely. She ran ahead of him, clapping her hands together at breakneck speed and jumping in front of Hector. "WE GOT HECTOR!" she screeched.

Her voice was high, yet her leg armor wasn't – her thighs were exposed for all to see. Atop them sat golden interlocking plates that guarded her torso. A white scarf finished off the design at her neck. She was carrying an elaborate lance, and a gorgeous cape waved behind her as she ran towards the heroes at breakneck speed.

"HEROES!" she shouted. She squealed again, this time staring at Corrin. "Oh, and a female Corrin? This is amazing! What a lucky summon! Kiran, you've really outdone yourself this time!" She gave a thumbs-up to the coat man. He returned the favor much less enthusiastically. Not that his enthusiasm was lacking, of course - hers was just extraordinary.

"She's four stars, too," Kiran said, grinning. "She should be helpful in battle."

"And I've heard she's super nice, too! I'm sure we'll get along very well!" Sharena said, her voice cracking.

Hector raised an eyebrow, as did Tharja. Their gazes briefly met, and she shrugged. _I don't know, either_ , her expression seemed to say.

"Hey, Kiran?" Sharena asked.

"Hm?" Kiran responded.

"Why are there only four heroes? I thought you summoned five."

He frowned. "I thought I did, too. I managed to snag female Corrin, Hector, Tharja, Sully, and female Robin. Who are we missing?"

"The latter," Sharena said. She looked around for a few moments, her gaze finally setting on one of the castle walls. "Oh, there she is now. I suppose one of the others took it upon themselves to introduce her. Chrom, maybe?" Sharena paused. "Why is she throwing things?"

" _Female_ Corrin?" Corrin asked. "The specification seems unnecessary."

"Uh oh," Robin said. "Look, no matter what happens, I'm not responsible for her actions, okay? I've met female versions of myself in the past. They tend to be…more unhinged."

Hector frowned. "Just because someone is a woman, it doesn't mean they're more emotional than a man. That's sexism."

"No," Robin said, frantically waving his hands, "it's not like that! For whatever reason, female versions of myself tend to be rather-"

"THERE YOU ARE, YOU DASTARD! SPY ON ME BATHING, WILL YOU? HOW ABOUT YOU SPY ON THIS DAGGER RIGHT WHEN IT EMBEDS ITSELF IN YOUR FOREHEAD, CHROM!"

A dagger flew through the air, embedding itself in a nearby wall. A female Robin stood nearby, her face flushed red.

"-angry," Robin finished with a sigh. "I'm not sure what they're arguing about, but it seems to be something from their Ylisse. Nothing of our concern."

"Hey! You!" the female Robin said, storming up to Sharena.

Sharena turned, gasping. "You must be the great Robin of the Shepherds!" Her eyes briefly looked over Robin's face. She giggled. "You look so CUTE as a girl, Robin! You must tell me how you do your hair. It's adorable!"

"A girl? I've always been one." She quickly lost steam, her face returning to its normal hue. "What in the world do you mean? And I've always done my hair like this."

"He hasn't!" Sharena said, pointing to the male Robin.

The male Robin buried his face in his hands. "Oh, this is awkward." Pulling himself together, he straightened up, tugging on the hem of his collar and putting a hand out. He smiled half-heartedly. "Hello. I'm Robin as well. It's nice to meet me."

"Another…me?" Robin asked, shocked. She stood there for a moment. After thinking about it for a bit, she started grinning broadly and she shook his hand with vigor.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Hector whispered to Tharja. "I don't know either of these people. Why would they have the same name?"

"Two Robins?" Tharja asked. "That means one must be an imposter." She brought her hand up, angered. How dare someone try and imitate HER Robin - and get the gender wrong, to boot! Her hand glowed purple, dark magic swirling through her fingertips. "This imposter won't stand to live for much longer. En garde!"

"No, wait!"

Seeing no other viable options, Hector slammed into her shoulder, her hand briefly touching his ribs. She fell to the floor. Hector cried out, the dark magic churning through his body as it scrambled his insides. He started writhing, clutching his shoulders and screaming horrifically. The pain began spreading throughout his body – within a few moments, it seemed very likely he would be dead.

"No…" Tharja breathed. "You foolish, stupid man…" She raised her hand up, her fingertips glowing alight with yellow magic. The yellow aura spread throughout his body, counteracting the purple poison. Hector cried out, and after a few tense moments, the purple finally dissipated.

He breathed in and out slowly, his body finally returning to normal. He inhaled slowly once more, closing his eyes. He looked to Tharja.

"Sorry," she said quietly. She smiled weakly, offering a hand. He looked to it, squinting.

"It's not cursed this time," she offered weakly. She opened her palm. "See? No colors. Just…normal fingers."

Hector nodded, grabbing it and pulling himself upwards. Unfortunately, he failed to take into account his weight…and hers. She came down tumbling atop him, landing smack-dab in the middle of his chest. His wounds still fresh from earlier, he cried out in pain.

"I…did not think that through," Hector said, gritting his teeth. "Are you alright?"

"Shut up. My health is of no concern to you. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Hector chuckled, exhaling softly. "Trust me when I say that I've been through much worse, Tharja."

Her eyes narrowed. "How did you know my name?"

"Someone said it earlier."

"I see."

"And, when you tried to curse me…"

"Curse _Robin_. The fake Robin."

"Right. When that happened, I saw a glimpse into your mind."

"…No." Tharja shoved herself off, rolling to the side. "Don't speak of me. Your health is more important now."

Hector raised an eyebrow. "You think that could have killed me? That little curse?"

"I _know_ it would have. That dose would have killed a man twice your size."

"You trying to say something about my weight?"

"Don't be absurd. You're…a fine amount of weight, Hector."

"Oh? And how did you know _my_ name?"

"The intimacy works both ways. I saw into your head when my curse sapped away your life force."

"And what did you see?"

"That's none of your business. Why are you being so nice to me, anyway? I tried to kill you!"

"I don't have the energy to be mean," Hector said, chuckling softly. "I'm in too much pain right now. It'll pass, though. Don't you worry, Tharja."

"I never care about others." She closed her eyes. "You are no exception."

"Ah, but that's not true, is it? I saw into your mind, remember. You're a caring and kind person, loath as you are to admit it. You want people to see you as a dark witch, not for who you truly are."

"Shut up before I curse you again." Her hand glowed a dark, deep purple. "This curse will kill a man four times your size after wracking his body with unimaginable pain. Be quiet, else I use it."

"But you won't," Hector said, smiling gently. "You're too caring."

"You're WRONG!" She slammed her hand into his thigh.

Silence.

"Well?" Hector asked. "I'm waiting to die of unimaginable pain. Any time now, right?"

She slowly removed her hand from his thigh.

Her fingertips were normal.

"As I thought," Hector said. He grunted, straining his body and forcing himself to sit upright. "You can't kill an innocent."

"Shut up," she said, though the words were softer this time. "Don't…don't tell the others."

"Why do you do this to yourself, Tharja? Why do you drive others off?"

She didn't respond.

"You're a talented magician – wise, beautiful, and kind. You don't need to be afraid of others seeing you for yourself."

"I said SHUT UP!" Her glare burned holes, yet he seemed to shrug it off, not even flinching. "You have no idea why I do the things I do." She hugged her arms tightly. "And…I'm not beautiful. Not inside."

"You have no idea how wrong you are," he whispered. He managed to stand on his feet, cringing at the pain, yet managed to keep his balance. "Come on. Find me a healer. Then I can show you the true you."

Tharja stared at him. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"I think the curse may have drained my energy more than I thought."

She nodded, pulling herself up. "You sound delirious." She propped her arm under his shoulder and he leaned, using her body for support. "Let's get you some help."

"Sounds nice," he muttered. He looked to her, nodding.

She turned her head away. "I'm only doing this because I feel responsible. Once you're healed, I'm abandoning you."

"Of course. Wouldn't expect anything else." He winked.

Tharja rolled her eyes.

"Infirmary is on your left," Sharena said. Hector nodded, and the pair slowly trudged away.

The two Robins watched them limp away, Tharja supporting him completely. When they'd disappeared from sight, the male Robin turned to the female Robin.

"What the hell did you _do_ to them?" he asked. "Why did they seem so chummy? Tharja completely forgot about us! _Us!_ "

"Oh, me?" the female Robin replied, smiling innocently. "Nothing much. Just got the ball rolling."

Robin narrowed his eyes. "You didn't."

She reached in her pocket, pulling out a pouch. She nonchalantly took a small object out of it – a brown seed, small enough to fit on the tip of one's index finger. "I thought they'd be cute together."

"And that she'd leave the two of us alone if she were occupied with a man."

"Also that," she agreed. "I was the first to wake up after being summoned. I figured out where I was pretty quickly after talking to that Sharena gal. She really has a loose tongue, huh?"

Robin shrugged. "Everyone here likes to spout exposition. Must be a cultural thing."

"Regardless," Robin continued, "I slipped a seed of trust inside the mouths of both. Then I simply let their gag reflexes do the rest. Everything went off without a hitch."

"You truly are unhinged," Robin said, shaking his head. "Remind me to never ask you for dating advice."

"Oh, don't tempt me. In fact," she grinned slyly, "I have a girl I think you'd be adorable with, actually."

"I'm certainly going to regret asking, but it's going to kill me if I don't. Who is it?"

The female Robin pointed to Corrin, who, completely unaware of what was happening, waved dopily and bounced on the tips of her toes.

"Hello! I like your cloaks!" she said. "Can I try them on?"

Robin pinched the bridge of his nose.

He did not like this heroes business one bit.

 

**Author's Note:**

> /u/LadyKuki, one of my friends from the /r/FireEmblem Reddit and Discord channel, started an ironic ship of Tharja x Hector. They were both third place in the Choose Your Legends polls, and thus, they must be in love.
> 
> Or not. IDK, it just seemed funny, and now it's a subreddit meme of sorts. I figured I'd do my part and write the first ever official DARK AXE fanfiction.
> 
> So yeah. This is a thing now.
> 
> Now I want to see some Chrom x Camilla – they both got fourth. Now THAT ship sounds like it'd be hilarious – he'd be so flustered, it'd be adorable.


End file.
